Tout Neuf

This is gonna be my last post.

I mentioned that I'll close it when I give up.

I GIVE UP trying.
Do I really have to fucking say it in your face for you to know how I feel?
Or whether I'm happy or otherwise?

Can't you tell from my face?
Time and time again, I have to say it in your face regards to the same issue.
You get tired listening to it, but don I feel tired saying the same words and feeling the frustration over & over again?

This r/s has always been you, you and yourself'.
How u wanna make yourself happy.
All u even did to make me happy is to use $$$.

I'm going to say this one last time.
"WILL MONEY MAKE YOU TRULY HAPPY? IS THIS KINDA HAPPINESS LONG LASTING?"


Why am I even still writing all this, even after you not getting the gist of it when i wrote it a million times?
I'm sure ppl who read my blog already got this pt in their head, but sadly just not you.
Dont expect me to do anything good for you anymore for you did nothing good to make me emotionally happy.

Why do I have this blog for?
I've expressed my unhappiness far too many times, almost for the same issue.
Still, nothing done.

My heart is pronounced dead.

I'm currently working on Mr Goodbye now, some korean romance flick.
I have a love-hate r/s for romance flicks cos...
Everytime I watch it, I'll cry and smile at the same time.
I have mixed feelings of happiness and sadness.

Happiness cos..
It feels so sweet to know that two ppl went thru so much to get together and sustain their r/s.

& sadness cos...
Everytime I see those couples in shows, they're always so loving, and thoughtful towards their partners.
I feel so envious watching them sparing a thought for their love ones.
Like Mr Goodbye, no matter how ego the male and female(couple) is, they do know when is the time to stop.
The man can say really mean things to the female, but after that he surprises her with sweet nothings.

Oh wells.
This is a show isn't it?
Who take a show for real?

Only a fool like me.

Sometimes I still cant help but wonder...
If I can place total trust in her.

Many times I feel that certain actions from her, seem to be putting up a show for ppl.
And this fucking irritates me.
I showed Tara, Amy and Christina her exes pictures, and they went "WOW".
I admit that they're not ugly, but they're not exactly pretty either(then again, I'm not saying that I am.)
I may dislike those ppl they she used to be with, like, or see, but I DON HATE EVERYONE of them.
And it's definitely not becos I'm jealous of them.
I just don like them becos of their personality or character or how they treat ppl.

AND IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME DISLIKING THEM, THEN BY ALL MEANS GO BACK TO THEM.
AT THE VERY LEAST, I DON CRITICISE/INSULT THEM.

I'm still very much affected by what 'BUAY ZHI DONG' NATASHA TORRES LIM said.
Just fucking hell leave my gf and us alone.
I just don understand why these ppl have no shame, seriously.

I know, it's another entry of complains.
But apparently, NAT called her twice this mth bcos her line got terminated.
Like HELLO B.I.T.C.H, line got problem call starhub 1633 lor, not my gf's number.
So quit finding excuses to talk to her or date her out. And then pretend all nice like an angel, saying that
you don't mind me JOINING the both of you.

Are you in the r/s with her, or am I in a r/s with her?
WTF.

"Call me when you cook ok." was what she said before she went into the room.

Why is it that it's always me? 
No matter what, sick( that I can understand), or NOT SICK at all, it's always me who has to do EVERYTHING?

Why is it that things always go back to square one, even when the same fighting scene repeats, the tears shed, the promises she made to me?
Did I not mention that I'm also human? I do have feelings and I'm tired of doing everything myself. Did I not mention it, not once, not twice but many times?

I do think that it is my responsibility to take care of you as a gf, not in terms of $$$ wise, but what about her? Is taking care of your gf
with money is all you can do? The lil things, like cooking for me, hugging me from the back, take care of YOUR/my dog with me together... is doing all this so difficult?

This is a r/s with 2 people, not only you, yourself and being selfish. If you have the guts to make promises, have the fucking brains and heart to uphold it, and not just stand there and wait for some miracle to happen to make things change for the better.
I may listen to you, being submissive and all, BUT PLEASE, LEAVE SOME DIGNITY AND RESPECT FOR ME.

You have headache, others have it too! Does having a migraine makes you handicapped? Does having a migraine makes you
losing the least concern for me?

Whatever you want, I try my best to give it to you. You said you want to drink water/coke, I'll bring it to you. But how can you take it for granted, and just tell me "Are you going to cook my beehoon soup?"?

The more reoccurrances of cases like this, the more I feel like a maid. And maybe thats why you're keeping me by your side.
Oh, and cos I keep quiet most of the time until I cant take it.
I can complain and whine, but I still do it for you, hoping that 1 FINE DAY, you'll wake up.

I said we'll see after we get to 1 year, but I'm still hoping for the change even when we're together for 2 years.

It seems all so hard to leave you despite all this. And I told you, it really might not be a bad idea to leave you to study in US if
I'm given the chance to. Why should I even be worried about us breaking up in the first place when Amy mentioned studying
in US?

A food for thought indeed.
Getting myself away from you might be a good idea after all, since me/this r/s don matter to you at all.

Longest time I've not blogged.
Was busy with so many stuff on hand...
Ho Chi Minh, food poisoning, catching up on the sleep I missed in HCM, spending limited days with Amy and Mair.
Ho Chi Minh was way too unlucky for us. 'Nuff said.

Amy left this morning, 3.45am for US.
I opened her door when I woke up at 7am.
I miss her.
Gf misses her too.
The house feels empty without her.

We spent the whole entire afternoon playing "Guess the sketch" game on FB.
It was really fun. :)

Oh wells, we're all gonna miss her.

"Thank you for the gift.... we're really touched..."

 

鉴定结果

您的心理年龄32岁
(Omg, I'm like 32 years old)

与您实际年龄差11岁

幼稚度56%
成熟度61%
老化度42％

            Anyway, the quiz was taken from Rong's blog. :P

It's 11 days to Ho Chi Minh, and I really can't wait to get the fuck out of this plc.
Urgh!!!!
I'll be getting my results for my chinese paper tmr. So bloody scared la!
*prayers*

"Will you ever look into my eyes that way ever again? I wonder...."

When people get so engrossed over themselves,
they forget what their partners have done for them.
All the hard work and effort cannot be measured by YOUR fucking money.

When was the last time you gave me your full attention?
All I want is simple attention for me everyday. Just a normal girl who wants simple affection from you.
But the only capability you have, is to use money.
Am I a fucking whore or a sugar baby? 
I give you attention and takes care of you physically, mentally, and I get paid for what I've done?


You bring me to plces, no doubt. 
But is this really the way you love a person?
I already mentioned... What about the rest of the everydays?
You simply jus trat your partner like shit?

All the talk about wanting to spend time with me.
And everytime, it goes down to your fucking butt on a chair, in front of the fucking pc.

You said you're tired.
Who's not tired?
Everyone is not tired, but only you?

After all this time, it clearly shows who you are. 
And how you see things.

God may love us for who we are.
But he'll soon let you see what you're gonna lose.

I'm really quite done.

Hey Love,
Just wanted to tell you, Happy 23rd Anniversary Love one! One more month, and it's 730 days a.k.a 2 years!
Jus wanna say a big thank you, even though there may be many rough patches during this whole time,
but no doubt, I still heart you! And... I hope you still hold on to the promises that you've made, and of cos,
vice-versa. 
Let's make more happy memories to come, and embrace each other at all times, till we wrinkle! :)
Je'taime! *kisses*

Yours only...
Amanda :)

I've always believed that things happen for a reason.
But strangely, I can't figure out why I deserve that kind of treatment despite everything that I've done.
On the contrary, what have you done for me to make me feel truely blessed?
Is providing money, buying things that I can't prolly afford, "sponsoring" me to holidays means that you're
really giving your love one happiness?

Stop and think again.
Is this how you define happiness or rather, see that happiness that can bought in this way?

Yes, I admit that you can be very sweet at all when it comes to B'days/annis/.
But is this really the way you can treat your love one?
How about the normal 'everydays"?
Bcos it's not any day special, thus you see a reason to treat your love one like shit?

I may not give you really expensive presents to you on special days,
but at least deep down in my heart, I give all out to be nice to you and make you happy/blessed everyday.

Would you rather receive love/care/understanding everyday, or only on special days?
Think about it.
....................
Clearly, this has became a love-hate r/s to me.
I looked back and thought about how I used to quarrel with you.
And now... I'm too sicked and exhausted to reason and explain how I feel deep inside.

No words can explain how I feel right now.
All I can think about is, "What's there for me to live on?", "Perhaps not living on is a lot better choice."

I had a nightmare the other night.
I don really wanan blog about it cos it's a tad too long of a story.
But, the moment I jumped down of a building, I really felt a lot relieved.
I dunno, I hate myself and my life.
Perhaps it's my past life that caused me to suffer so much misery now.

Alrights, it's been a long post. 
I have to bathe HER dog now.

Take care peeps. :l

 7 THINGS THAT SCARE ME:

1. Digusting lizards.
2. Nightmares.
3. A electric trip in my ofc that caused me to lose all my work done.
4. Flasher who shows their dicks.
5. My big belly. :(
6. Unable to find my wallet/handphone.
7. Moths.

7 THINGS I LIKE THE MOST:

1. Singing.
2. Shopping.
3. Travelling.
4. Spending time with ppl whom I love.
5. Looking at interior designs of houses/hotels.
6. Nail arts.
7. Good food.

7 IMPORTANT THINGS IN MY ROOM:

1. Clothes.
2. Blanket.
3. TV.
4. Accessories.
5. Magic Cleaner.
6. Cushions.
7. Acne lotion.

7 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME:

1. Never fails to fall asleep in the bus.
2. Eat, eat none-stop.
3. Never exercise.
4. Likes to say silly things.
5. Eyes forever glued to the TV.
6. Randomly writes love notes to my current Gf.
7.  Hate ppl who likes to stand in the middle of the train door, and block my way! HMPF

7 THINGS I PLAN TO DO BEFORE I DIE:

1. Travel to 3/4 of the whole earth.
2. Remove the big belly I have.
3. Spend the very last moment with my current Gf.
5. Donate my "working" organs to the needy.
6. Have more than 100 partners. LOL, kidding la.
7. Stand up for Lesbians/Gays rights.

7 THINGS I CAN DO:

1. Watch TV all the time lor.
2. Play "Guitarway" with 200 combos.
3. Talk non-stop.
4. Housework.
5. Be Uber boring.
6. Score well in Math.
7. Nails!

7 THINGS I CAN’T DO:

1. Multitask
2. Kill Lizards.
3. Talk to strangers.
4. Talk/ meet my Gf's ex-es.
5. Pretend that dreams don't mean anything. 
6. Remember friends' b'days anymore.
7. Abuse poches.

7 THINGS YOU CAN DO TO ATTRACT THE OPPOSITE SEX:

1. Wear scantily like a whore. LOL.
2. Flirt everywhere possible. (like: MSN, sms, phone)
3. "Pretend" to be intelligent.
4. Bare my butt naked body. LOL
5. Play hard to get. Well, ppl like challenges right?
6. All of the above is NOT TRUE HOR. Jus Crapping!
7. NA

7 PHRASES I SAY OFTEN:

1. DUH.
2. Go Die lah( Rong, why you copy me???!!??)
3. Err... ok.
4. KNS.
5. Oh My God.
6. What the Fuck?
7. I say this to my GF. " Oh, so I'm not as good as other girls la?"

THE 7 PEOPLE TO DO THIS SURVEY:

1. No one. Cos it is taking too much time. LOL. :X